jump the gun

Not a soul has yet to touch base, stop in or say hello in order discuss the artwork at all really. If I were to look forward to big things in 2008, that would be one. -- Earlier, I was talking with someone, and I was asked what holiday gifts I would be spending on this year? I said my income and I share a very delicate relationship so as a result I haven't bought a single gift at all, quite frankly. I'm actually in the middle of a attempt to save my earnings. When asked how I was prepared to, I grew quiet. I realize there are things I cannot ignore and see no other alternative. This is about building endurance and becoming more familiar with the luxary of leisure, as it were. I find I am now a willing participating in a insurance test. At times I say, look at those suckers, why take more risks by scheduling a inflated amount of commerce at this time of season? I thought why not do some less obvious things. But after all is said, the only answer left to this solution is to live vicariously through others. -- One of the two house dogs has become abnormal in appearance as of late. Over the years, this dog and I have shared a very dark element so you can say I have grown attached... only that I'm afraid now it has become more and more uncomfortable than I can perceive. Especially tonight. A few blood vessels had ruptured along its head, the unusual eye, the skin tissue along its ear bleed immensely. It bounced between all four corners of the room until my brother and I were able to restrain it in order to simply disinfect and wash it adequatly. We have been scrubbing the blood off the walls, floor, furniture and ourselves for what seems to be hours. I'm moved to chills. I kid you not. This Holiday... Most will think about the good things. Let us not jump the gun.

solitary life

There are many problems posed by the social environment we live in, especially in my very own. There are many things I have seen and just as many things I have found disposable. There are also many things I find that cannot go on without a astonishing amount of deep consideration. I do not know how it is for many, but for myself a social environment is something that is virtually non-existent, mainly because I live a.... I suppose... a comfortable... solitary life. Alike the air I breath, inhale and exhale, everything comes and leaves. Forgetable as any recognition just as my own interal respiratory system venting that of myself. It is a notable search as fruitless as any bleak embrace within the night life leaving my head cracked open with shit in the skull the next morning.

It has been a month of becoming more influenced with a new idea, yet in a way also returning to a very old idea. A mind divided into facilities, divided again into dozens of more distinct capacities each critically noted but without any conclusions. In my mind, I often find myself alone in a woodland destination pairing space and content. There are cedars, challenging paths and breathtaking lookouts. I see this and think to myself, maybe if more trees were cut maybe that would make room for better parking.

I realize all this before I awake from a couple of hours sleep and the regulation takes over. But now, at this moment, the night has come yet once again and as I try to compose a post in my head - I realize I may just fall short one, maybe a few hundred words - then I originally imagined dictating to someone else with eyelids. It doesn't take more than a dozen blinks before I find what I've been trying to say before I fall asleep will not make itself out anyway. Soon it is another morning. Another you evaporated completely. And just like my flickr account, this file will be unable to reach contact with the database server. No image. No identity.

This January I'll have my next art show, put that on the event list will you. It will take place at the Babylon Nightclub on Saturday, January 12th, 2008. Inexpensive, informal, and accessible to patrons and newbies alike, all can enjoy a night of the arts and music to their hearts desire. It’s pretty cramped in here so I hope before the time comes that I'll be able to display at least two new paintings before the date as mentioned.

underwent

During the wintertime it seems difficult to do anything. With hibernation in effect, here is a little information you might find valuable while reading at home. My hands are incredibly shriveled into the likes of peanut shells after washing my artists brushes with brush cleaner and preserver for the past half hour... Unfortunately, many of us wouldn't consider that sentence anything literally worth reading... so if you've already come to a stop I'll understand... any further and I'll be surprised to know you're still reading. Afterwards, I'll have you know that while I was sorting through the refrigerator I had meet one of the most defined characteristics of our country and our people. No it wasn't a relationship with the wilderness of the great outdoors but a cold, self-abandoned, premium bottle of beer. Following the chance encounter, one of my easily learned special skills known as consuming came into effect.

A single dark glass bottle for killing brain cells. A stress reliever after another busy day of work, warding off the devil for only a little longer. A personal fantasy of the slightest sophistication, class and sensitivty in a man... A faint memory of caveman behavior is always good.

I'd like to post more regularly but the fact that I don't doesn't bug me much at all as it used to. To tell you the truth, when I look back half the time... I find I don't even concentrate on what I am doing. But when I am speaking my mind, especially online, some may come to perceive it as just another desperate attempt in seeking attention. I wouldn't exactly describe it in that manner but rather as a tool of social construction. Now being a blogger, regardless of how often you spend time deconstructing your whole-self, you do spend a considerable amount of time, I don't care how, virtually creating your lifestyle as you see fit or wearing your honesty at the mercy of a bullet. The immediate response, now don't get me wrong, unfortunately see's this as an act of seeking fame. Now as I appear in representation, just as contradictory it may seem like any public school teacher I've had growing up (i.e: In light of how often I was made comparison to the mentally retarded despite my continual academic achievements through out grade school. Beats me.) "I am not used to people. Period." You can quote me on that one. Diagnosed with a cognitive disorder, hyper-sensitive to the teeth and with as much anxiety to fill a band-wagon; I can say that I've never been a fan of attention to tell you the truth.

Last Sunday, my Vernissage at The Buzz Restaurant was a willful commitment to a circumstance that is the need to get my stuff (my artwork) out. As far as I've found, you meet a group of people who are looking at your artwork, who as you may find sometimes are not a representative part of your work that you had produced... but they become your fans and you get locked into it to some extent and you play into it as well. Ultimately you have no clue. No idea at all. Of what that brings out. I had no clue of what I was doing, maybe it had more to do with the alcohol more than anything but it was and still is a whole new experience for me. I wouldn't call these art exhibitions of mine the validation of my work but rather a considerable step forward in encouragement. And when I think back on it, it's nice to know I'm hitting the mark and that this is only the beginning.