incurable disease

I think we carry a lot of subconscious stuff about our bodies, and most don't consciously deal with this relationship to themselves as well as they should. A lot of people project what they want or need coming from something or someone external when yet it's something far different than that. Now more than ever, I think I'm closer to just recalling the absence that something is missing. I don't know what it is, but it's there, it's my own personal story about the absence of order or the absence of self-awareness which will allow me to feel more at home in the world. Yesterday there was a unquestionable whole about myself that I had to deal with in regards to the relationship between my body and the world... so, I had a tattoo done. One of soon to be many I'm certain. It was quite exciting.

I should be painting right now. But I’m not. I'm blogging. I’m lazy like that. I haven’t picked up a tube of paint and painted anything since early this week. Not that I’ve forgotten, just that I really should be putting some time in brushing up. To be honest, sometimes it’s fun.

Weekends of random disappointment and pleasant surprises. This may come as no surprise, but art without the benefit of outside funding is not financially viable. It is a frightening prospect especially for those who deviate from urban pop-art to say... my work for example, that is entirely edgy but simultaneously three-dimensional. Even to the most principal expert, or most passionate of artist, none of the above at all have a lavish means to an end in the pursuit of this interest. But when you have an implicit understranding of this and remain incurable to your ambition of creating... you'll be more effective in your own uniqueness and content in your own excellence.

The latest show I had at the Mercury Lounge did not have one of the most successful sale results in my 5 month history. But if the success of the last art show can be measured in more than dollars than I must say that it was another big hit... oh hell, who am I kidding. Despite the turning in circles along with the scratching of heads with respect to people trying to find meaning and intent in my artwork, I did receive plenty feedback from other artists alike. Unfortunately, there is always going to be this schizophrenic approach to the focus of my art. I really find it spreads the quality of work way too thin.

I remember when I was a first time participant in Ottawa's art scene, through this duration I have had a lot to absorb and still a lot to overcome to finally observe significant changes in myself. You can say I've been going from being quiet and observing to being very involved in participating and creating. When it comes to selling my work, it's one thing to have the ability to produce it but it's entirely another realm when it comes to describing it. For some it's not so hard, for others it becomes this inexplicable element. For art to be bought into, your role is to imbue some kind of poetic content and social mission upon others. Otherwise what you've produced is a shell without a soul. If you have courage of your convictions, very few people will disagree with you. If you really believe in what you speak of, the world listens and generally follows suit. I haven't had many very good experiences that way. My biggest failing at life is my inability to have sufficent faith in myself and in humanity to believe that it can make a difference. People skills, go figure.