bitter orange

Cheer up. I’ve been telling myself that for years with thoughts of how that might help intergrate myself back into the public realm of society. At times I've wanted to spell that as - FutureShop. But we all know that is not a good idea if I wish to remain sufficient in my own development. An interesting and 'new' computer? A surround sound system, perhaps? Maybe even, dare I dream, my very own apartment? Let me tell you, I don't do well with large purchase commitments. I'm without the economic background. I'm in a deep seeded need to stockpile my savings, pay off my debts, and live as modestly as I can before something say terrible happens. But like anyone, I make exceptions for certain things and that my friends, is extremely detrimental. You need to register with PayPal, I tell myself. You need to allow that thing to happen, man. You need to have a productive state.


It has always been about the productive state. But if you call quality time with loved ones (i.e: a walk in the park with the girlfriend or a game of golf with the brother) counter productive then your rigor is by far unbelievable. Yes, besides that, there are a lot of other things that do go on behind the scenes that result in what others will not get to see or read about on the net. But it comes with the territory, man. I make impractical decisions based on those factors.

Last night I experimented with a new art piece and tried a few different techniques but had a insufficient outcome that continued to allude me. My work has been very slippery and almost a elusive quality in the hours spent on it during my frustration. There were many details I had squeezed together, most were happening so fast it's as though they were as frequent flashes from Britney Spears getting out of a limo.

Within the confines of my own room I yelled incoherently and screamed overwhelmingly. That kind of thing you can expect to happen with someone carrying a higher disposition in regards of their art. There are days where all I'm doing is sliding across my room long and searchingly. Sometimes my mind wonders if the complex and travelling ideas of mine are the same roads that people will visit during it's conveyance.

For anyone who knows me well, I'm someone who doesn't like to spend much time talking as opposed to doing. You can attest to that especially outside of my blog. As a workable archetype, I do trust that most I've met do their best to judge people by what they do instead of what they say. I think we can all agree to that, how people spend far too much time pointing anonymous fingers, talking about the lives of other people just as they do art and knowing nothing about it far too often enough. I have always found it odd that so much time is spent both admiring and admonishing the completely strange. Either way, be it love or hate, people are still focusing on someone or something they really don't know. That is how it has always been. That is always how it's going to happen. Far too much emphasis on the importance of nothing we could grasp to begin with. Creating the frenzied state in which we now voyeuristically live.

Somehow, on some level, I sense a subtle distinction made between double standards and hypocrisy... when, come to think of it, one such as myself has a facebook account along with a weblog that you are now visiting... I've gotta go.