behind the bridge

I believe we develop our diseases for honorable reasons. It's our body's way of telling us that our needs - not just our body's need but our emotional needs too - are not being met, and the needs that are fulfilled through our illnesses are important ones

-- (qtd. in Siegel 1998, p 240).

With the mediated quality of technology, modern thought has a way of interpreting itself. Naturally, not everything I say can be taken for granted or the medium of my message be entirely omni-present. It's important that I emphasize that these entries can develope from being a illustration on a event or situation to sometimes being a very emotionally disturbing thought or reflection. In all my years, I've come to know my thoughts are particularly disconnected from any individually accessible universe. In fact, if anything should be taken into consideration it is the cognitive disorders of mine and the confusion that is persistant in my attitude to life.

Sometimes I have a neural fiction perpetrated by senses. It is presumably there for my own good, that is, for the greater good of my selfish genes, which is probably one reason why I'm stuck in this illusion that I cannot dispel at will.

Sometimes, when I'm in my room I try find out what the world looks like from my left eye, in order to do that I close my right eye. When both of my eyes are open, I cannot help seeing a single, integrated panorama. The visible world appears as if it is seen from a vantage point situated inside my skull, behind the bridge of my nose. Of course, this is where "I" hole-up. This, at it were, is really where it seems to be. Maybe, I think to myself, I could see bits of brain and bone. Instead, it looks like the entire front of my head is missing. The illusions persist. I shut the world out altogether. This total sensory deprivation.