marked loser for life
If you are politically correct you really do not want to proceed past this sentence because you’re going to get really pissed off. Here is the straight dope from the heart that pulls no punches as a prime example of why I’m a loser.
I’m not going to give you the intimate personal details so don’t bother asking. I’d venture that most of the men in my position, who are not alpha males, that I’ve been friends with also know that feeling to one degree or another but we don’t talk about it. Men are taught from birth to be tough and not talk about their feelings, and except under exceptional circumstances, are punished many ways if they do.
It’s politically correct in modern society to paint men as brutes. Callous, misogynistic, abusive creatures whose only goal in life is winning and when it comes to relationships, the belief of winning can only be accomplished by dominating women, preferably by physically abusing them. There’s no question that some men are that way but the vast, overwhelmingly vast, majority are not. That vast majority of men are really ordinary people who want to love and be loved, who want to be respected and treated kindly, the same thing that apparanty women want. Funny how that works.
If you’re a woman you can not imagine what it does to a man to be treated to the kind of abuse that society expects men to be. Strong. In command. There are a thousand ways to punish a man who is not, all of them designed to make him feel a failure. So many I’ve known, myself included, have suffered enormous amounts of emotional abuse, sometimes at the hands of the woman they loved. So why do they stay in the relationship? Some of the same reasons women stay in abusive relationships: insecurity, love, fear of failure, children (men do not stand a chance in a custodial battle), financial reasons, broken spirit. Many in such relationships live lives of quiet desperation, sick at the thought of staying, afraid to leave, afraid if they do they’ll never have another partner, marked loser for life, some invisible cabalistic signal planted on their forehead that only women can see and immediately reject them as a loser not worth her attention. Oh, most guys in my place have experienced that feeling well, but we don’t talk about it.
When you take emotional abuse into the picture in male- female relationships the rate of abuse is pretty even on both sides. When it comes to physical abuse women are much more the victim than the abuser, but when it comes to emotional abuse it is very much the other way around, but we’re not allowed to acknowledge that in this society. In this society, in the 21st Century, only women and children are allowed to be named victims of abuse and that is not healthy for our society. How do you think men feel knowing that they can’t even open their mouths about it without being made to feel like a failure.
I'm in a relationship and I'm not alone but I’m a loner. Once you get past what I've described, I'll have you know I choose my friends and companions very, very carefully. Anyone who acts in that manner simply is cut out of my social circle instantly so I don’t really see them much anymore. Guys like me are very easy to abuse. We love fully, unconditionally. We care deeply for our partners and we do not like confrontation, in fact we avoid it at all costs. That’s what happens to non-alpha type males in this society, if you can’t strut your stuff and rise to the top of the pecking order you better be non-confrontational or you’ll be destroyed. That makes it very easy for women to abuse us as in me included, emotionally, making us feel even more like a loser.
This is a very sick society. Both genders are basket cases and I’m not optimistic about the chances for change. There are too many forces in society that need this for their own sustainability and those are the forces that rule this society: money, power, big business, social status. I no longer have time for people, male or female, that treat others that way and in this society that makes me a loser, but I’d rather be a loser than walk over other people for whatever reason. I’ve known plenty of couples over the years and it has always been the woman who was the real abuser in this way. In some cases, I’m sure some of the men must have been real stinkers behind closed doors as well - you can’t fight the odds. But when it comes to public degradation and disrespect, it happens way more than my stomach can handle.
When it comes to me, women make me feel defensive, maybe even a little less open towards consummating shared relations. Things such as speech difficulties that are just par for the course I live with. SO I just relax and try my best to nod and smile when someone says something to me. But the fact that my inner monologue is just as poor as my outer one will always be freaking me out enough as it is. So trying to make sense of anything will simply be a waste of time. There's really nothing I can do about it but bother to live with it and let bygones be bygones. Yet preferably, when this occurs I try to remain calm, locked in a room without windows, sharp objects, or lava lamps.
I’m not going to give you the intimate personal details so don’t bother asking. I’d venture that most of the men in my position, who are not alpha males, that I’ve been friends with also know that feeling to one degree or another but we don’t talk about it. Men are taught from birth to be tough and not talk about their feelings, and except under exceptional circumstances, are punished many ways if they do.
It’s politically correct in modern society to paint men as brutes. Callous, misogynistic, abusive creatures whose only goal in life is winning and when it comes to relationships, the belief of winning can only be accomplished by dominating women, preferably by physically abusing them. There’s no question that some men are that way but the vast, overwhelmingly vast, majority are not. That vast majority of men are really ordinary people who want to love and be loved, who want to be respected and treated kindly, the same thing that apparanty women want. Funny how that works.
If you’re a woman you can not imagine what it does to a man to be treated to the kind of abuse that society expects men to be. Strong. In command. There are a thousand ways to punish a man who is not, all of them designed to make him feel a failure. So many I’ve known, myself included, have suffered enormous amounts of emotional abuse, sometimes at the hands of the woman they loved. So why do they stay in the relationship? Some of the same reasons women stay in abusive relationships: insecurity, love, fear of failure, children (men do not stand a chance in a custodial battle), financial reasons, broken spirit. Many in such relationships live lives of quiet desperation, sick at the thought of staying, afraid to leave, afraid if they do they’ll never have another partner, marked loser for life, some invisible cabalistic signal planted on their forehead that only women can see and immediately reject them as a loser not worth her attention. Oh, most guys in my place have experienced that feeling well, but we don’t talk about it.
When you take emotional abuse into the picture in male- female relationships the rate of abuse is pretty even on both sides. When it comes to physical abuse women are much more the victim than the abuser, but when it comes to emotional abuse it is very much the other way around, but we’re not allowed to acknowledge that in this society. In this society, in the 21st Century, only women and children are allowed to be named victims of abuse and that is not healthy for our society. How do you think men feel knowing that they can’t even open their mouths about it without being made to feel like a failure.
I'm in a relationship and I'm not alone but I’m a loner. Once you get past what I've described, I'll have you know I choose my friends and companions very, very carefully. Anyone who acts in that manner simply is cut out of my social circle instantly so I don’t really see them much anymore. Guys like me are very easy to abuse. We love fully, unconditionally. We care deeply for our partners and we do not like confrontation, in fact we avoid it at all costs. That’s what happens to non-alpha type males in this society, if you can’t strut your stuff and rise to the top of the pecking order you better be non-confrontational or you’ll be destroyed. That makes it very easy for women to abuse us as in me included, emotionally, making us feel even more like a loser.
This is a very sick society. Both genders are basket cases and I’m not optimistic about the chances for change. There are too many forces in society that need this for their own sustainability and those are the forces that rule this society: money, power, big business, social status. I no longer have time for people, male or female, that treat others that way and in this society that makes me a loser, but I’d rather be a loser than walk over other people for whatever reason. I’ve known plenty of couples over the years and it has always been the woman who was the real abuser in this way. In some cases, I’m sure some of the men must have been real stinkers behind closed doors as well - you can’t fight the odds. But when it comes to public degradation and disrespect, it happens way more than my stomach can handle.
When it comes to me, women make me feel defensive, maybe even a little less open towards consummating shared relations. Things such as speech difficulties that are just par for the course I live with. SO I just relax and try my best to nod and smile when someone says something to me. But the fact that my inner monologue is just as poor as my outer one will always be freaking me out enough as it is. So trying to make sense of anything will simply be a waste of time. There's really nothing I can do about it but bother to live with it and let bygones be bygones. Yet preferably, when this occurs I try to remain calm, locked in a room without windows, sharp objects, or lava lamps.
posted by daneatkinson at 4.8.06
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