the malady of discontent

I walked in the rain, further and further into the unknown. The humid air mustering foul smell from every direction that one can only wonder what is keeping everyone waiting for great big ball of gas to go off. Besides the idea of your insides being cut open like candy and the in's and out's of your oxygen quietly guiding you behind the scenes of all your lifes' decision-making until the disease hits you, is it quite possible that we are all consciously motivated to do what we never really want or have to because of it? How does one experience living within us, more or less instinctively without our understanding or of why we're still doing what is leaving us as disgruntled, underutilized but none the less extraordinary people, in constant conflict with a self-constructed intellectual ghetto?

For me, a number of unfulfilling or unappreciated stress related problems this past year have left me already coping with the malady of discontent in a number of ways I could possibly conceive of handling (and yes, even some things I haven't told you about, dear readers) I don't consciously give up soft drinks, caffeine or (most) alcohol. My instincts at work, I've been only enabled to strongly mitigate the debilitation of this stress through the positive affirmation of those closest to me.

Perhaps, this 'psychological' disorder that has been plaguing me all in this time with endless coping and forced adaptation and struggle is the same demonic creature of culture sickness that has already been wreaking havoc on everyone including my system. Since I can remember I've been always hit with some constant force that has left me at some level of a disappoint to a lot of people including myself. I don't think it's likely that the causes of these 'psychological' anxieties and/or diseases are principally genetic (though a predisposition to contracting them may be -- that's not the same thing). I also don't think it's likely that the causes of these diseases are bacterial, viral, parasitic, or prionic in origin (though exposure to such agents could catalyze onset of the diseases). I believe the causes are likely to be environmental, the chemical cocktail of artificial toxins we eat, drink, wash, breathe, brush up against and otherwise take into our bodies every second of every day. Those who are skeptical that the same poisons that are destroying the soil, the water, the atmosphere and global ecosystems everywhere are also destroying our bodies' microspheres, should review the case against tobacco.

It is quite likely that even when these hypotheses of environmental cause of most remaining illness and disease have been compellingly argued, we will not be able to do much to prevent or 'cure' our bodies of what we have been doing to them. We're too late to save our planet from the scourges of war, famine, and global warming. And we'll likely be too late to save our bodies from the man-made painful, wasting deaths that are quietly wreaking us.

But at least we'll have tried, and at least we will know. We will know, for example, that the executives of ExxonMobil and Monsanto and Koch Industries and the rest of the world's megapolluters will ultimately be remembered in history as the most monstrous, willful and indifferent mass murderers of this civilization they have so effectively and greedily exploited. Just as Big Tobacco, with the armies of expensive lawyers and the politicians in its back pockets, will never pay for its crimes against humanity, and just as ExxonMobil will for the same reason never pay for any of its other environmental holocausts, we are going to have to settle for knowing, not retribution, compensation or even remediation from the corporate monsters killing us all.