vacuum of numbness

Nobody knows what they want anymore. Everyone drifts aimlessly from one end to the next as we eventually find ourselves converging in a world of paradox. Not bound by the confines of traditional denominational religions, yet not confident enough to have an independent thought in that thick, vacuous skull of ours, we dabble in trendy philosophies and mysticisms. The game ends when manufactured 'cool' is no longer sucked from the teat of some MTV or other media source long enough to realize what dumb son of a bitches we are.

I too am part of this hidden demographic, and I blame convex volumetric fog renderings and bilinear interpolated textures. Since when did it become acceptable for me to devote my time to rendering shadows, atmospheric scattering, ambient light effects, and all this other superfluous bullshit that much like game coders keep adding to their engines so they can win some imaginary pissing contest. Nobody cares about graphics if the game plays like shit. Same goes for all else.

I'm bored to tears with nearly all my xbox video games and the predecessors before it from Sega to Sony. Especially when it comes to shooters, changing the theme from one time period to another isn't enough anymore. Did someone beat someone else to the punch on that killer WWII shooter being made? Wait, wait, don't worry, just take the same concept, change a few textures, and call it Battlefield Vietnam. No one will notice. Hell, why not Battlefield Iraq.

So after all this, I've utilized a few video game ideas of my own not with the imaginary life of a has been but never was game entitled 'The Sims' but across the game 'Far Cry Instinct' where I've been developing my very own arenas in a first person shooter for plenty nights. I can say it's finally beginning to scare me.

"Have you ever wondered, watching Star Trek the Next Generation, why they even bother exploring strange new worlds? Why don't they just spend all their time in the holodeck having sex?" -- read more

...I just think of it as a funny concept worth reading. Back on hand, If you consider yourself in a similar situation, I warn you, before you may know it you're about to have spent the next 10 years of your life amassing a small investment while the rest of your time is punctuated in meaningless drivel and mindless entertainment while your hairline recedes. On and on, day in and day out you wonder why you have that one problem: why can't you get laid?

Repugnant as one may become, you go on an adventure from one bar to the next trying to piece together the social life you've neglected by being a self-hungry prick. Outside of your left behind virtual persona, the real challenges include overcoming the social stigma caused by years of driven self-loathing. Ultimately you suck down 9 millimeters of cold hard lead when you decide to take the easy way out like the compromising A-1 chicken shit you always were.

For the most part, all of us in our worldly culture never cared. We are daily surrounded by inestimable wonders, yet seem to find them too trivial for our attentions. Destruction fills the ever expanding vacuum of numbness within us, as if a game, as if lauded over by those that it cannot touch. Newspapers and websites are filled with cracked windows butted up against adverts for new cars. This is the world created for us and whether we buy it or sell it, save it or waste it, spend, bide or kill it, on your way to forgotten you become a miniscule blurb as everyone continues to assume that time is an objective, measurable flow of befores and afters interspersed with the transient now. For the most part we have forgotten the meaning of authentic existential time.

Here I am, playing again. Past times they say. Truth is, it's nearly all I have for fun. But hey, there’s always tomorrow, not to mention the undying belief that it can end tomorrow. Right?