secular material divination

The blistering cold and howling winds, combined with nothing to do and nowhere to go, had me holed up for days. Not until yesterday night when I finally left the house in mind of having to run one essential errand but left with several. Near the end of the day, after volunteering to move someones furniture and visiting my cousins’ place, I travelled outside of town to a place specializing in furniture design. I’d been recently looking for a new chair for guests to have a seat within my office/bedroom, and thought of going there. I essentially did not bother purchasing a chair because the prices were from the world of tomorrow and the designs weren’t particularly what I had in mind. So I bought a plant instead and I must admit it gave my room new life. Now the question stands; can I take care of it?

Now that the Olympics are over, I’m thinking, perhaps some of the Canuck media will cast their hazel stares to the East where Iraq shivers on the brink of civil war. Or maybe not. As of these days, hockey and a bungled murder case of two Canadians in Mexico occupy our elevator shafts and city streets. Interesting, yes. A possible world-shaping event? No.

Perhaps we should navel-gaze a little more and ask ourselves this. Where have our heads gone? Now I know my mental attitude is unbelievably hard to deal with but bare with me. I just have a hard time ever being in a good mood to describe anything. Sorry for the hiatus but moving onward...

OTTAWA - "Federal Justice Department employees have played fast and loose with travel and hospitality rules and cost taxpayers a bundle, an internal audit reveals." -Ottawa Sun

I sat in a boardroom the other day. There was a reflection that this medium of communication is transformative for our departmental organization and to remember that there is a bifurcation between people who are comfortable with media v.s. those that are not.

What I noticed in this small group in relatively small space, was that it was a lot harder to be invisible. Being the youngest at the round table, I worked extra hard not to be too large a presence. Unseen and unobtrusive as possible, while still being present, I was busy not-doing (more than usual). Overall, I had lots of time to observe the inner activity as we discussed these results of this outstanding slap on the wrist from the media.

Not that I have anything against instruction, but I personally think instruction is a pointless exercise on educating how a problem should be assessed. Now, facilitation is not usually seen as a spiritual practice, but I think I can now heartily recommend it to any serious student of any spiritual path. If you are looking to come face to face with all your stuff, to engage with your own long dark night of the soul--facilitation is good hunting ground.

During the hours while everyone else was deep in juicy conversation and dialogue, I was sitting/standing/pacing around listening to my brain do a number on my ego by inventing all sorts of stories about what was happening with those gathered and the day. Thank goodness I know that this is not about me and that I have faith in the professional folks I work along side.

I have gone to the point now, where this aspect of holding space is as close to fun as it's ever going to get. Sometimes, when I know I am dreaming, I either go along for the ride and if I like it I try to learn something. I know what my head is telling me right now is utter fabrication but, of course, faith is not real unless it has something to test it and or challenge it, right? So I feel my inner voices telling me right now that they are necessary in order to strengthen my understanding. At least that's my story at this point.

So there I was, for hours and hours, watching this incredible dance inside myself. Aware of the space I am holding. Aware of those gathered. Aware of my insecurities and frailties. And just sitting with it. But what is it about this facilitating that in order to truly serve those we host, we must lose faith in ourselves and everything else except those who are on the voyage with us?